Lily had another long chemo day on Monday (6 hours) and came home Monday night on IV hydration fluids. Tuesday's appointment was much quicker and Lily was feeling surprisingly good both days, but it all must have hit her today because I could tell she wasn't feeling well at all. Sometimes it is very hard to tell when she doesn't feel good because she rarely complains. Even if you come out and ask her how she is feeling, most of the time she won't admit to feeling bad. Maybe she thinks if she says she feels sick, it will make it more true?
Anyway, I knew something wasn't right when she didn't want to make fairies with her new mold she was so excited to get. She didn't want to draw or do any of the things she loves. Her appetite seemed okay because she kept asking for different foods as though she wanted to eat them, but then she picked at the food and barely ate anything. I broke down and asked her if she wanted a cookie. She said, "NO!" as if I had asked her if she wanted fried worms. I asked her if her stomach hurt? No. Head hurt? No. Nauseous? No. Tired? No. Sad? No.
I asked her if she was super brave? Yes.
Why does she have to be so tough? Why doesn't she cry and complain like I would if I were in her shoes? It is just not fair. It would be easier to bear if it made any kind of sense.
I need to learn to be more like Lily and not ask why; to accept without anger or complaint.
2 comments:
You are so much like Lil! I am continually amazed at your ability to adjust and endure the challenges that you both face. I was so scared when the nurse was showing you how to give Lil her shots! Me, the one in the health profession, you didn't even hesitate! Not long ago you couldn't even walk into a hospital without feeling sick, now look at yourself, giving shots and practically living in a clinic. I've never known anyone with more compassion, patience, or endurance. We all continue to learn from Lil, she is so brave, but so are you! You are amazing and I'm so proud of you! Thank you for taking sure good care of our sweet little lily angel.
I'm with your mom on this one. YOU are amazing and YOU are the reason Lily is doing so well. I know what it's like to watch my child suffer through chemo, never complaining, while my own heart breaks inside. Just remember that You are the key to her health, and she is going to beat this because she has exactly the kind of support she needs from her mother. You are amazing. Our prayers are ever with you.
Post a Comment